By the hair on your chin-y chin chin
I admit it – I have hair on my chin.
And a little above my upper lip.
I’m a woman, and I have hair on my face.
Thankfully, it isn’t too bad, considering I no longer have any estrogen in my body to really make my body do the womanly things it should.
May was the month that we took our granddaughter, (princess) Nevaeh up north with us for the first time.
We take one grandchild at a time up north with us when we can. The rules are that they have to be potty-trained, because Grandma and Papa DON’T DO DIAPERS!
Nevaeh is now 3, turning 4 in September.
She was the perfect little princess, helping Grandma put groceries away, helping to make meals, sorting out all of the DVD’s into what she could watch and what are “Mommy & Daddy movies”. She is very smart, and of course, very lovable.
Saturday afternoon, she wanted me to hold her. So I picked her up, and she felt my face.
“Grandma, you have a beard” she giggled.
I laughed, and said “yup, I forgot to shave!” She giggled some more, and then we proceeded to pick on Papa Rob about HIS beard.
I Didn’t Use to Laugh About It
Thankfully, the hair on my chin-y chin chin is very light.
I remember my mother used to get electrolysis for the hair on her chin. Back then, women were told you don’t dare shave it, because it would return DARKER and even more COARSE and you’d be shaving every single day of your life!
I never really knew what electrolysis was, but growing up, I knew I didn’t want hair on my chin!
Ha! In the same vein as when you make plans for your life and God laughs, I developed hair on my chin around the age of 30.
And when my first husband had a new girlfriend, to whom he was engaged before we were even divorced, he made a point of telling me about the hair on my chin, along with the other mean things he said to justify his telling me that he couldn’t live with me any longer.
I was mortified.
How many people saw it, and never told me?!
I didn’t pay attention to myself. I had two daughters at the ages of 5 and 3. I didn’t have time to pay attention to myself.
The Dagger Was Pushed Even Further
First husband and I divorced in June, 2002. His first divorce settlement payment to me was due on a Sunday in August, 2002.
He was on vacation with the third wife-to-be, so I figured he would be late with the payment. I was waiting…I didn’t want to have to deal with more drama trying to get that payment out of him.
That Sunday in August, 2002, late morning the doorbell rang. There stood a FedEx man with an express envelope for me. So he didn’t forget after all.
More was included in the envelope than just the check.
There was a package of diet pills – since I was fat.
There was also a tweezers – for the hair on my chin.
Along with a nasty letter explaining the use of these extra items included in the envelope.
I was hurt. I was humiliated.
Another stab in the heart that the younger model I was traded in for, was better than me.
It was in 2006 that I took a good, long look at myself in the mirror. Literally.
And it was at that time that I learned to love my body. All of it. Fat, scars, hair on my chin-y chin chin.
I came to the realization that if someone didn’t like me, that was THEIR problem. Not mine.
So there is hair on my chin-y chin chin.
Little One is a licensed esthetician. I asked her about the hair on my chin one day. She told me “just shave it Mom.”
No one ever saw that note or the items in the envelope other than me until 2013. I showed the hubs, and then destroyed it.
And if the first hubs thought I was fat then, he should see me now!
I OWN this body, baby!
Your Mindset WILL change
Along came Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in 2015.
Cancer all throughout my body.
The body that I loved. The body that has done so very much for me.
When you are told you are going to die, your mindset changes.
Though I had already dealt with not caring what other people thought of me, after having a death diagnosis, you REALLY don’t care what other people think of you.
Others can judge me as much as they want. But they (a) are not walking in my shoes, living in my circumstances; (b) have not lived through the challenges in life that I have lived through; and (c) do not know what goes on behind closed doors. In anyone’s house. They can guess and ASSume all they want. In the end, I REALLY, REALLY don’t care what others think of me or the things I do or say. God is my judge.
Being Told You are Going to Die
Recently, a very good friend of ours was taken to the emergency room by his wife, because he was dizzy, nauseous, and his eyes went whack-a-doodle-do. One eye was normal, while the other eye was looking off into another universe somewhere.
He arrived at the emergency room, went through the myriad of tests, and was told he had a small stroke. He was in total shock.
Had his wife not taken him to the emergency room when she did, he would have been dead. He was told that by the neurologist.
When you are told you are going to die earlier than you plan or think (remember God laughing?), your mindset makes a total and complete change about yourself and your life.
Your thoughts reflect on the life you have lived and the life you are living now.
Are you ready to die? What constitutes being “ready” to die?
I know people who will absolutely NOT talk about death and dying, nor will they make plans necessary for death and dying, so their family doesn’t have the burden of dealing with it.
I remember the first time I made a Last Will and Testament, after Little One was born. I cried. I couldn’t fathom leaving her behind without a mother. I still did what I had to do, and made the arrangements – as much as could be done – for a future without me in it.
You all know that I’m extremely organized, and after my diagnosis, the hubs and I went and made funeral arrangements with my favorite undertaker.
Not only does your mindset change about arrangements and a future without you in it, but your mindset changes about your current relationships with your spouse and children.
How are you treating them? If you died in a car accident tomorrow, what would they say about the last conversation you had? What would they say about your relationship?
One of the best things I did when my mindset changed was to rid my life of toxic people. I didn’t and don’t need negativity in my life, and neither do you.
Think about it. Are there friends or family, co-workers or bosses bringing you down with their negativity or narcissistic comments? Have you become negative because you are always exposed to it?
Life CAN be changed with choices for the positive.
It may be hard to let those people go, especially if they are family members. There is a freedom waiting for you though. The burden will be lifted, and you will feel so different. Not empty, but fulfilled.
This afternoon, in our kitchen while I was making taffy apple salad for a family gathering, I stopped, held the hands of my hubs, looked him in the eyes, and said “We are so blessed.”
We ARE so blessed.
Despite my Stage 4 cancer, I am alive, I am well, I am doing things I couldn’t do four years ago, and with more ease every day.
We have made many, many material improvements to both our home and the up north cabin.
We have paid down debt and are on our way to financial freedom.
We have a bright future ahead of us together, and with our children and grandchildren.
We both have good jobs, I have two businesses I have started that are growing and flourishing.
I am helping others through consulting and training, educating them on how to make their business and personal lives better.
We have wonderful close, dear friends, and make more acquaintances every day.
We have faith, we have love, we have laughter.
And we are overwhelmingly grateful to God for all of this.
This could all change at any moment. So at all times, I am ready.
The first words out of my mouth to the hubs when I was told they suspected cancer:
“I’m not afraid to die.”
So tell me – are you blessed? Are you grateful? Are you ready?
Sending love and hugs, ~Erika~